sorry to many....sorry for not updating, i should have known maintainning a blog is like trying to quit smoking....anyways like i always say i have been busy...ok ok busy is an convenient excuse..i have been lazy....alot of happenings this few weeks...witness an accident at joo chiat..while having supper with wan and fad.....i swear to god i saw the girl flew 8 to 10 metres from where she was hit.....everything was intense....being singaporeans the public started to surround the vitctim...and did nothing... i was pretty much stunned myself..didnt know what to do exactly..and there was the wailing sister...honestly when our food came...we lost our appetite.....and 2 days ago i witnessed another accident while doing my rounds in camp....what the hell is going on....maybe it's a sign...finally i was caught up with....cant run anymore....but i must say it's not as bad....but disappointing, i know my permission was needed to make you feel better about yourself....but i will glady give it....thats all i can give for now....for others i gave alot more yet recieved none....taken for granted for and forgotten.....i'm starting to feel like i'm just a fragment of all of your memories.....today i hope we didnt screw up wan's first impression on miss haille...if we did...sorry heh i know we can be real jackasses at times..

was planning to update my blog earlier.....gotten too lazy and ive been busy......half a year ago....camp was the last thing i could think about....but now camp is all i can think about and all i really wanna think about...nothing else..many might not know this but spending most of your time in army isolating yourself from the outside world somehow has it's way to keep your troubled mind off things....its a way of running from reality...yeah it's temporary.... but it eases alot of the pain....and yeah at the end of the day it catches up with you...but thats only moment before you fall asleep...then you'll wake tomorrow and it all starts over again...more running...for now i say i'll run as far as i can...maybe till i cant run anymore. After discovering alot of truth from you.....maybe you're right all along...maybe you werent ever in love with me but why waited so long when you already had thoughts for someone else.....maybe i didnt read the signs well enough...when it was so obvious and prominent to the world but me....i hold no anger..hate or vengence for anyone...cause like my mum always said since i was a kid...if you dont let go all of the hate anger for someone you will never truly be happy.....i will always remember that becuase even until now when i asked her if she hates my dad for leaving....she would answer "heart broken but not hate...never hate" sometimes i find it hard not to hate him...but my mom changes my mind all the time....if there is one person i feel sorry for, it's myself....kinda felt like i was played all these while....like a movie..when i retrack back all the incidents that happened and why did you felt the way you felt...said the things you said...its all starting to make sense...piece by piece like a puzzle....i can only wish the best for you cause you meant something to me....but for now theres more running to do....sometimes i wish i can just sleep and dont ever wake up....dont you agree the feeling of dreaming is out of this world...

i know i know....havent update my blog in ages..so here i am...damn i think i'm starting to regret ever getting a blog...its like getting a freaking pet, you need to groom it...take care of it..bring it for walks...spend time with it to satisfy it's emotional needs...well whatever. Speaking of pets i have a dog....and it pains me to say that she's dying. How did my dog and i met.....well i was 11 i went to australia for a vaccation....then my cousin was still schooling there..so she got this dog..called rika....man she sure hated my brother and i...at that time i didnt know a 1 year old dog can be so territorial...but anyways we got along.....she had always treated us like we're kids and shes the elder eager for respect and shits like that....now shes old enough to be my grandma in dog years of course..and she almost 90 years old already....and when your at that age all kinda illness starts attacking your body....rika now skin problems, she can barely see, she has lumps all over her body, she cant walk for long, she sleeps all the time, she hardly even reacts to the door bell anymore like use to....back in her younger and livelier days she could even do tricks like fetch a ball and play died, now whenever i ask her to play died she just looks at me blankly....for whatever time she has left here i would try my best to make it memorable and lasting for her...cause i know when she's gone i'm really gonna miss her...its not gonna be the same without seeing her lying somewhere around the house. Enough my dog, last sat was rad..spent almost 5 hours sitting around long john at cineleisure..slacking the time away....kinda reminds me of the old bk days when we can just slack from 2 in the afternoon to like 10 at night....well the whole lot of us caught GHOST...heh i cant believe i paid 8.50 to scare the shit outta myself...but whatever it's worth it was enjoyable...i mean i enjoyed seeing everyone screaming..including myself...point to note...if you want to experience a horror flick to it's fullest...try sitting at the first row with the speakers blasting right infront of you...trust me it's electrifying....i would say the movie was good...well good enough to have us still talking about it after the movie.....as we bid farewell to the hungry ghost festival....lastly i would like to salute my fellow camp mates to having gone through a terrifying month with me...all kinda encounters and stories good for future bedtime stories...you might wanna hear it...but i definitely dont wanna tell it right now...its our secret thats kept between my fellow RPS that guard payer lebar airbase round the clock....for those of you who didnt get to experience anything this year dont be disappointed...hey there's always next year..

been feeling too much lately....feelings of hate, despair, anxiety, disappointment, happiness and the list goes on. Mostly the feeling of hate that i never had the chance to let out, well i guess i'm sorry to say this but fuck you and your mother fucking mama.....the sad thing is you're 2 faced and you dont fuckin know it.....i guess you're just brought up that way....i feel awkard for saying all these after waiting for so long...kept thinking that it's my fault...kept thinking that your innocent..kepting thinking that youre a friend....well its sad that i have a friend like you..and i sympathise with you, cause on your dying day....your gonna be bedridden lying in bed by yourself thinking "why have i been such a bitch all my life..why havent i treated people better". You know thats not all.....your words are poison and manipulative.....your hatred has no reason and let my silence act as a warning to you...to leave us the fuck alone..coz before your existence, life was kept pure and ethical without manipulation and deception...free from all the fucking stunts you fucking pull on people......good people thats it....i sincerely sugguest you to seek redemption you evil bitch of satan

ok back to the usual, these 2 days have been fun in camp...even though it's the fucking weekend....anyways i booked out handicapped having strained both my achilles and pulled a muslce in my groin....thats the result from a game of soccer....later, paid a visit to the doc...told him i had these achilles injury since i was a fucking teen...and it doesnt fucking goes away....and all he does is crack bones all over my body except my ankle and then tell me " you will feel better" i was like fuck yeah i will feel better....i will definitely feel much better if he fucking didnt charged me $30 for that shit...ok my ankle is hurting as it is....i feel like its god's punishment to me everytime i fucking swear.....loggin off to ease the pain....catch things up again in 2 days..

Just got back home from a late night supper at the usuals....had a great time at an unusual hour....anyways the past two days in camp has been hell...i'm just glad i'm outta that shit hole. I missed teachers day...so i would like to take this opportunity to apologise to all my teachers for not being able to turn up at the teacher's day celebration....you guys made me the person i am today...perhaps every little thing you guys said altered my life in a way....made me have a clearer perspective in life. Would like to thank my homec teacher Madam cheng..she's like a god mom to me..love you...was nice seeing you the other day...i promise i will come back to visit you soon. Life has been kind to me lately....not too much ups and downs....just the way i like it....but i wont say i regret the past...its just as good to keep me real for now. So yesterday some sick ass terrorists for some cause decided they have to take 400 school kids as hostages to bring upon a political attention to the world......thats just perfect dont you think...yeah kill more people and the world would toast to your courage....

sunday night...monday morning...waiting for the transcation, i'm sitting infront of this LED screen typing this entry....while most probably the rest of the whole fucking is fast asleep tucked in bed, sweet in their dreams....saturday's show was just like any other....maybe alil more significant for the band...well i guess it was officially the first time we appeared as a 6 piece band, for me it was the first time i ever shared the same stage..... for one entire set with my brother....it was much more personal than i thought...i always told myself that i wont ever wanna play in the same band with my brother...but now i couldnt be more happy knowing that my younger brother will be standing next to me on stage from now on. Somethings i rather not find out..slipped out for some reason..i dont know why...but i really rather not know....it kinda spoiled what ive been working for as this while....just when i thought i was so close to getting it....anyways you have a great smile keep it there....

On my day last day in camp before i booked out....i witnessed death..yes death....no..no one i know died....it was just this stray bird that landed itself on a rat trap...that obviously was meant for the damn rats....its no ordinary rat trap...the trap had a bait like many other traps..but the method of trapping the animal..i would say is inhumane...well we use glue....not any kind of glue...thoes glue that would really glue you to something if you get caught in it...so yeah try imagining this...the poor bird got itself caught in the middle of it....the glue basically glued the bird into one big fur ball with beaks sticking out on the top....its wings were trapped....the moment i saw it...i was telling the rest.."this bird is fucked". It was a good as dead....we tried freeing it by removing patches of glue...but guess what....it only made it work...the bird's skin came out with it, revealing its insides ok...that really turned my stomach inside out....i was trying to imagine the pain it's was experiencing....we tried...hell we tried our best....and we couldnt do anything to make things better...eventually we decieded to end it..my pc brought a scissors and nip the bird's head apart...man at that moment i felt like one of thoes extremist beheading a war prisoner.......after the bird died..we didnt really talk much...kept our silence....we just thought back if we have ended the poor thing's misery...would it have been a better option....if you ask me i think it went through alot of pain before it died...so forgive us for any sin we committed...anyways these past few days have been hectic....i'm busy trying to finish up with the band's ep or demo..whatever you wanna call it....sat's the show so i guess i'll see whoever thats gonna be there...till then hope everything turns out as expected....